I’d like to start a support group for graduates of “What One Person Can Do” (WOPCD). I don’t have a fixed idea of exactly how it would work logistically but my aim is to generate a sense of connection amongst graduates. Since completing the course I have had several challenging situations and many unwell people have crossed my path. I feel having a resource such as a support group of people who speak the same language (unconditional love) would help immensely.
The main thing I am struggling with since completing the course is finding like minded people to interact with.
I believe that having the option of connecting with other graduates would make continuing on the programme in your own life a more manageable process.
I briefly dated an unwell person and found it scarily easy to take on board and believe that
I’m the one who’s unwell, not him. I found myself not listening to my intuition about the situation and also cutting myself off from activities that would be beneficial like self care. I found myself completely disconnected from myself and didn’t even realise it until I spoke to Bill.
He picked it up in my voice tone right away. A support group could provide the opportunity for things like this to be discussed or perhaps even avoided.
I found myself reacting (or overreacting) to some things people have said as it activated a wound within me that was not yet complete. It was really helpful for me to have someone supportive to talk this through with and see that really it was my reaction that was a bigger problem and the only thing I could do anything about.
I’d love to know what other graduates think of the idea of having a regular support group conference call. I believe it would be a useful way to spend an hour or so a month getting reconnected and grounded when necessary. Also it would be a great opportunity to share positive experiences! If you are interested, drop me a line; let me know what you think and we’ll figure out when to chat or get together!
HannahBeth Stanley
Contentment Coach
NLP Master Practitioner
Reading, England
CREATING PATTERNS OF CONSCIOUSNESS WITH LANGUAGE, ATTITUDE AND DISCIPLINE
By: Bill Cumming
(This is the sixth installment of bringing the “What One Person Can Do” conversation to the written word. To appreciate it fully, experience yourself as loved absolutely and unconditionally, as well as capable of making choices that allow you to take charge of your own life.)
Everything we do to increase our consciousness contributes to our equanimity, ability to produce results and contribute to others. Listen carefully to the words you select. If a student says, “I’ll try to have an assignment in by Friday,” they are acknowledging that they really don’t plan to have the work in on time. Plan on Monday at the earliest. If you use the word try, decide before you go any further if you intend to produce a particular result or simply “try.” While I do not approve of the labor practices at all, the Egyptians didn’t try to build pyramids, they built them.
When you think you are tired, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you still want to go to sleep? If so, you’re tired. If not, it was an idea, a concept before the mind. When the alarm goes off in the morning, do you think, “Ah, I got just the right amount of sleep?” What do you think about? What would happen if you decided it was the perfect amount of sleep? What happens when you are hungry and someone mentions food? In the 50’s and 60’s operators of drive-in movies in the United States used to splice a single frame into a 35mm feature film just before intermission. The single image would be of a hamburger, soda or French fries. This practice was enough to pack the snack bar during intermission. Much less obvious ideas have become part of our everyday existence and are accepted as if they were the absolute truth. What ideas do you keep before your mind on a regular basis?
We often use the word help to describe our work with other people.
Let me help you with that project. Would you like my help? While usually well-intended, sometimes the implication is that people need our help, could not accomplish the result without it. A more accurate word is assistance.
To help may imply a paternalistic relationship. If I can assist, I know you are going to make it and I get the privilege of being around for the ride.
Opportunities
Many years ago, I did a late night radio talk program called “Solutions.” Each week, my goal was to have a guest who would talk about a situation they had mastered in their lives and how they had accomplished it. One night following the show, my guest had left the studio only to find that his van would not start. Unaware of the problem, I closed the station. By the time I got outside it had snowed a foot in the three hours we were on the air. Mike had raised the hood of the van, undid the air cleaner and was patiently waiting to hold down the choke valve while someone cranked the engine. When I arrived, he joked with me, “About time you got here, the only thing I can’t do yet is be in two places at once. Turn the ignition key, please.” The engine came to life and Mike was away. The interesting part of all of this is that Mike has no arms. All of those tasks were done with his feet. I wonder what might be possible if we saw ourselves in the same way Mike sees himself, as “differently able?”
Our life is determined by how we see ourselves. Not by how others see us. And yet, we tend to forego this incredible power and turn it over to those around us as if what they think and say were the truth. The truth is we are whatever we want to be. We can do anything we decide we want to do. And while the encouragement and acknowledgements of others are wonderful gifts, they are not what determine what we are capable of. We determine that.
Brilliance resides in each of us. It is not something that only a few of us are given. Imagine if Mike saw himself as incapable. Do you think he would be driving a car today? Do you think he would be fixing a car? Do you think he would be appearing as a guest on a radio show called “Solutions,” highlighting individuals who have mastered situations in their lives? Probably not. The last time I knew, Mike was head of Veteran’s Affairs for a United States Senator.
Mastery of situations is about effort, determination, the experience that anything is possible and good fortune. It is also about the belief in oneself. There may always be nay-sayers in our lives; it is up to us to determine if we wish to listen or not. The choice to see ourselves as capable, brilliant and amazing is a gift we give to ourselves and to those around us. Mike is the perfect example of that.
Think of something you have decided is true about yourself. Maybe you think you are incapable of finding a job you really love. Maybe you believe that you are not a good cook. Or perhaps you think you are not a very good painter. Spend some time with one of the “truths” and see how much of the truth has been shaped by your own beliefs and experiences and how much of it has been shaped by others. Decide if this truth works for you and if it does not, declare a new truth and set about making it happen. Regardless of what happens, you won’t have to wonder about what would have happened if you gave it your all.
A child spills a glass of milk; we call it an accident. The truth is the child spilled the milk. No need to make a fuss. Now everyone will help clean up the milk. To refer to things as accidents that are not fosters irresponsibility. There is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. Unintended, perhaps. Accidental, not a chance. A car “accident” that involves a driver reading while driving isn’t one. Same thing with hand held phones, make-up or shaving equipment. Only children who grow up around people using the language of responsibility have a chance of operating with ownership and responsibility themselves.
Recently I was told the story of a senior official in education that travels each year to Lithuania to serve as an unpaid advisor to the public schools there. During her two-week stay, her hosts reduced their own diet so that she would have enough to eat, at best, meager portions. She reports that you survive and become accustomed. Upon returning home last summer, she and a traveling companion stopped at a world class hotel in Great Britain for a one-day lay over. As the evening meal was served, they realized there was enough food on the table to literally feed ten people. Tears filled their eyes as they absorbed the enormity of the inequity and the sadness of the situation. Not long ago, I prepared dinner for my son, a guest of his and myself — enough food for six people. I wonder if today will be the day when I act on the interconnectedness of all things and am disciplined enough to make it count?
Everything is connected to everything else. We have all heard stories about connections that make us remark “it’s a small world.” It is a small world and there is a direct link between the food on our tables and the tables of others. Holding this present in our hearts reveals the truth and power of the connection. It is about being mindful and having mindfulness. It is about seizing a new awareness and choosing to be different because of it. In this case, the awareness is about food. In another moment, it may be about something all together different.
Mindful moments are presented to us each and every day. Our level of awareness along with our openness to learning about ourselves and our role in the world determines what we let in. It’s like seeing something for the first time, even though you’ve seen it a 1,000 times. It just suddenly strikes you differently. How differently is up to you. The difference will be revealed in your thoughts, words and actions.
The dictionary describes the word mindful as an adjective: “attentive, aware or careful.” It describes the world mindfulness as a noun: “the state of being mindful.” This distinction is so very important as it closes the gap between what is possible when we become aware of food for two, being enough food for ten. Mindfulness creates an opportunity for truly seeing and understanding the inter-connectedness of all things. Suddenly a trip to Lithuania influences an evening meal in Great Britain, which settles in at dinner for three in the United States and opens up new possibilities for our planet.
One way to enhance our ability to be present in the moment is to practice being aware. Pick a place in your body that is impacted by breathing (directly, as in the nasal passage; or indirectly, such as the muscles of the stomach) and bring total attention to that single place for just two minutes. Reflect on what you noticed about your breathing. Now pick something you do every day (brushing your teeth, cooking dinner, getting the mail) and open yourself to experience it newly – as if for the very first time. How many people contributed to making this possible? Who grew the food? In what country? How was it transported? Were they paid appropriately?
Perhaps the most exciting thing I have heard about our new President-Elect is that his children will be doing chores in the White House. Any two people, with the issues of the world at hand, who can see and recognize something so profoundly simple and critically import are likely to make a great many decisions in a very conscious and well-intended way.
