Nancy and Lucie on life-long impact

REFLECTIONS ABOUT “THE COURSE”

By:  Bill Cumming

Everyday, I look to see if what I am about to do is of use and the best use of my time.  The answer keeps coming up yes, and so I continue.

And, on the days when we question whether what we are doing is worth doing, it is incredibly valuable to get some introspective feedback.  Letters like the two that follow, and are the focus of our newsletter this month, have a huge impact.

Lucie Amundsen is a former student who I had the privilege of working with at the University of Maine and who, joyously, reappeared in my life a few months ago.  The name of the course back then was the Teaching Process, EDU 204, and it matters not one whit that Lucie remembers it as “The Course.”  Lucie writes for the Readers’ Digest trade publications and lives in Minneapolis with her husband Jason and children, Abbey Belle and Milo.

Nanci Govinder lives in Switzerland and while we have never met, I know that at some point in time we will, for I sense that we are doing the same work, using our experience, which is slightly different to shape the practice.

Quite often I ask the folks we work with to remember that we can never know the impact of our words – all we can do is the best we can each day and notice that it will have more of an impact on some than on others.

I am deeply grateful to Lucie and Nanci for sharing their thoughts and recollections.

With much love and blessings!

Namaste!

Bill

COURSE REFLECTIONS

By:  Lucie B. Amundsen

Fifteen years have evaporated since I signed up for a nebulous college offering simply named The Course taught by an equally unknown professor, Bill Cumming. It was no ordinary textbook-driven class following the formula of lectures and exams.  The curriculum was a series of introspective exercises, which challenged students to think about ordinary events in extraordinary ways.  To be frank, the specifics of these exercises have long faded – sifted away in the everyday tumble that life provides.

What remains intact from these mental calisthenics however are some basic tenets; the chief being that my perception of this life is my choosing and, of course, perception is reality.  While I cannot control many events that happen in my life, I have complete control over how I react to them.  That is the most that anyone of us has. I feel fortunate to have learned at an early age that just because the weather channel tells me that it is going to be a crappy, rainy day that I can have a gloriously rainy day if I choose one.  And I most often do.

The importance of leaving the world, even the tiniest corner of the world (say a public restroom) a better place for my having been there was another Course gem I keep in my pocket.  And to that end, I’ve worked in public service for the majority of my career. Now that I am raising a young family, I no longer run large-scale fundraising events or work around-the-clock hours with wanna-be Governors and Senators.  But I am sure to do something everyday.  That could be putting together a flyer for an organization or, on the many days ruled by the star of preschooler needs, I may click the “Give Free Food” button at the hungersite.org web site.  But it is something, it is serving and it is daily as bread.

My life has not been without its lows.  Five years ago, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, working as a press secretary on a high profile campaign and not entirely divorced.  I refer to this period as “Living in the Green Room of the Mary Polvich Show.”  I was struggling to stay in control of “who knew what when” and attempting (and failing) to please opposing factions all the while inconspicuously vomiting in an office supply closet.

Finally, finally, finally I surrendered to the entire situation.  This meant asking for help from a long list of people:  the spouse I was long-separated from, my conservative parents, and an address book of in-the-dark friends, knowing that I could not control their judgment of the situation, just my own reaction to it.

While my brother did not talk to me for half-a-year, my parents were incredibly supportive beyond expectation; the soon-to-be-former spouse stopped dragging his paperwork, and somewhere in all of that, I began to see things as they were.  At the age of 30, I was having the baby that heretofore wouldn’t fit into my life.

Hours ago, I was sitting on tiny chairs at a preschool conference for that “baby,” now five years old.  Abbie Belle is a creative, happy, empathic child who lights our lives, along with her little brother, Milo.

While I may not remember any given week’s assignment from The Course, I believe I continue to benefit today from its lessons and my children have gloriously rainy days.

OBSERVATIONS

By:  Nanci Govinder

Dear Bill:

The timing of your focus on love and one’s power in this newsletter is especially poignant for me.  As you mentioned, many of our experiences are personal and I believe that it all starts with us.  I spent the last weekend with my family, many of whom I have not seen in four to ten years as I live abroad.  In the past, I harbored various grievances against most of them, believing that they were a certain way, which I did not subscribe to. On this visit, after doing much introspection and spiritual work over the past three years, I viewed them completely differently. I saw them for what they really were, loving, affectionate people.  The result:  there was so much love and abundance flowing during the time that we were together, it was wonderful.  I withheld judgment and saw the peace and light of love within each of them, even though it may not have been obvious to them. Each time my ego wanted to go back to the past and dig up some perceived hurt, I focused on them as they are now.  I left feeling loved and blessed to spend this incarnation of my life with this group of people.

It is often easy for us to get caught up in work and doing things ‘out there.’  My belief and testimony is that everything ‘out there’ is a manifestation of ‘everything in here.’ Focusing on ourselves, taking responsibility for our own lives and actions, believing in our inner power and gifts is what our true purpose is on the earth.  That is what I subscribe to and my life has been transformed as a result. I feel a deep sense of inner peace and love for the world. It does get scary and shaky at times but that’s what makes the journey that more interesting and rewarding.

Bill, you mentioned being naïve at transforming the education system twenty years ago.  Stick with this, believe and have faith.  Perhaps this is your personal vision and while it may not be realized in this lifetime, the groundwork, values and legacy that you leave will live on.  Remember the story about the starfish?  Thousands have washed upon on the shore and a man is throwing them one at a time back into the sea.  A passer-by asks him, “Why are you doing this?  There are thousands washed up.  You are not going to make a difference.”  The man bent down, picked another starfish up, tossed it into the sea, and replied, “To this one I am.”  Your website says it all:  oneperson.net.   So, let’s keep focusing on one person at a time, beginning with ourselves.  That’s where we can make the real difference and influence the world.

Keep up the fantastic work and thank you for hearing my voice.  Namaste!

Jo finds the Power Within

RELATIONSHIPS/TAPESTRY

By:  Bill Cumming

There are certain memories from my childhood that seem clearer and more important.  In the spring, summers and early falls of the late fifties, I use to play sandlot baseball in the field behind Dick Malley’s house.  Dick, or Red as he was often called then because of the shock of red hair he had, was a really good baseball player.  There were a few others who knew their way around the bases as well. We would play endlessly, until it was dark enough to be dangerous.  It was fun with a capital “F.”  That day it mattered who won and by the next when new sides were picked, nobody cared.  When I saw the movie “Stand By Me,” I had a hunch Stephen King might have been looking over the fence, though we couldn’t see him.  Not that everything was easy back then and yet we knew we were lucky.

Dick and I went our separate ways in high school.  For different reasons we ended up in good independent schools that played sports in the same league and we would see each other from time to time during that period.  Without knowing it, we both applied to and were accepted at Kenyon College, at that time a very small men’s college in Gambier, Ohio.  Dick joined a fraternity, I lived in the theatre.  We were cordial and didn’t hang out together.  One night when things seemed overwhelming to me and I needed somebody to talk with, I sought Dick out.  He could be counted upon.  As we became upper classmen, I married and often he would bring his steady girl, Kathy, still his wife, to visit.

Dick taught in independent schools becoming Assistant Headmaster at one and Headmaster at another.  He and Kathy have moved to a beautiful hillside in upper-central Vermont.  In a recent visit, Dick had intended to show me a demonstration program in a school where he is Director of Development.  A rarity in this part of Vermont, but school was called because of an ice storm.  So, I spent the morning with Kathy and Dick going through the basic assumptions and premises that underlie the work of the Center.  Though I had seen them a couple of times since we started this work, it was never discussed in detail.  So we began.  At one point, almost simultaneously, they both said they thought they knew someone who might make use of “What One Person Can Do,” and her name was Jo.

I came to understand that Jo is a person who has been like family to Dick and Kathy for many years and who in their opinion was struggling with the challenges of raising children and being without a job.  I asked where Jo lived and was told on the east coast of Florida.  Small world, I thought, we have a person, Ellen Wrubleski, who participated years ago in our school version of the conversation then called, “Motivating the Unmotivatable” living only a few miles away from Jo in Florida.  Knowing she would, I suggested that Ellen might be willing to talk with Jo about our work.

The next day I called Ellen, who was, unbeknownst to me, dealing with a couple of big family issues herself.  Nonetheless, she said that she would make the time to talk with the friend of the Malley’s.  A couple of months went by and the next thing I knew, Jo was participating in the “What One Person Can Do” conversation that Hazel Rand was convening via tele-class.

Following Jo’s participation in the program, I received a beautiful letter from her.  Tears ran down my face as I read her note.  I am always profoundly moved each time a person comes to experience that they are loved and the incredible power that resides within them.  In my experience it is rare that people are able to articulate what they have found so clearly.  It is this recognition and with Jo’s permission that I share her letter with you.

Dear Bill:

My name is Jo Brutvan and I know you have heard about me from Dick and Kathy Malley.

They really felt that if I participated in the conversations, I would get something positive out of it.  I must tell you, I was not happy about taking this class at first.   I did not have the time nor the desire to waste my effort on yet another outside activity.  However, I know that they truly love me and have always been there for me. I thought that the least I could do is sign up and see what happened.  I figured, ‘What the heck?  I’ll take it once for two or three weeks and drop it!!’  Oh well, the joke was on me.

You see, the end of the 12 weeks came much too soon and I was not ready to drop it yet!  I really want to thank you for what you have done, not just for me, for so many others like me.

One of the best parts of the experience was realizing that I was doing the ‘assignments’ on a daily basis once they had been completed…they became part of my daily life style.  Another wonderful thing was ‘seeing’ how the other members of the group changed during the 12 weeks.  And of course, the way in which having a ‘case study’ allowed me to deal with my semi grown children at a more mature level.

During this short time of ‘growth’ I have realized that the ‘power does lie within myself,’ even at the really tough times.  I went from being unemployed to getting a job in a totally new field.  After the ‘honeymoon’ period was over and the road got tougher, I was once again, ready to quit.  I stayed home one day and started to write my thank you note to the man who had hired me, the owner of the business.  I was having a problem with my supervisor (not the owner) and did not think he really wanted me there.  After playing the ‘I feel sorry for myself’ game for most of the day I scolded my 19 year old son.  His comment was:  ‘You’re not really angry at me, but at your boss, so go yell at him!’  I quickly got dressed and went to the office.  No, I did not yell at him, but I did question why I had been left out of the monthly roster when I could do the job as well as the man who had been hired after me.  I also pointed out a couple of other issues that had been going on.  He apologized for some and denied some. After speaking for awhile I left the office and he said, ‘See you tomorrow!’  My response was, ‘Oh I’ll be in on Monday, I have appointments tomorrow!’

I don’t wonder if I could have done this 6 months ago, I know that I could not have. I did not believe in me. I know that neither you nor Hazel gave me the power to go see my boss last week, but you two certainly taught me how to reach it.

One of the toughest issues to deal with in life is the idea that ‘it’s nothing personal.’  Well, I feel that this was personal in two ways.   1) It was my personal battle to fight, and it would decide whether I was going to be a victim or a victor.  2)  It is personal with his issues toward me and not thinking that I can do the job…that bothered me the most. However, I decided that if it is personal, it is his issue and his problem, not mine.  I may not stay in this job but it will be my choice, not someone else’s power to make me quit.  I promised myself 3 months at it, if I change my mind, I will be happy to have had the experience.

I just thought you may want to read a bit about my development since my class.

I hope that I get to meet you someday, perhaps at Malley’s.

Please tell Hazel I send her my love and miss her!

Thank you again for allowing me the opportunity to find the ‘Power Within’!

Jo”

From the sandlot baseball games in the 1950’s to schools and to colleges and from old friends of friends to new friends, we have come full circle in a demonstration of loving-kindness.  All in all, an amazing tapestry to me.  Although I have not met Jo yet, she is part of the tapestry of my life in the same way as Dick, Kathy, Ellen, Hazel and so many others are.  I believe that over time, cared for and nurtured, all the threads that have been woven together in this tapestry of loving-kindness and life will continue to grow stronger and ever more beautiful.