For many years I have said that the processes used in the “What One Person Can Do” conversation could not be put into the format of a book. First and foremost it is a process about two things: knowing that you are loved absolutely and unconditionally and that in every second, every situation, without exception, there is always a choice. No matter how it may seem, there is always a choice.

Following is the first installment of what we said couldn’t be done. After you have read it, you may agree with our original notion. Your reactions, input and responses are, as always, encouraged and will be appreciated.

What Every Person Can Do

Everything you see in other people, their strengths, courage and determination as well as their weaknesses reside within you. The capacity for all things resides within each person.

That means that you have the capacity to be as powerful as Nelson Mandela and as compassionate as Mother Theresa. It is with the respect with which I hold them, that I hold you. Whether you experience yourself as powerful, capable and able, know that I know you are. You may have told yourself otherwise. Your parents or teachers may have called you stupid or slow and neither is true. Every person wants to create a magical, meaningful, productive, contributory, joyous life. There are no exceptions, only those who have been so damaged as to have no experience of their value and worth in the world.

The human mind and heart, like other living things, grow in direct proportion to how well they are fed and nurtured. If you allow it, the words that follow and the processes contained herein will allow you to know that you are loved absolutely and unconditionally. Yes, by me, seemingly a stranger.

After we have worked together for a while, it will become clear how it is I can know your capacity without ever having met you!

So, it is with great respect that I address you, regardless of your successes or things which you may judge as failures in your past. You may be the President of a country, a person in prison or a seventh grader. I am glad you are here and it is my fondest hope that you will find this work of use.

Awareness at the Beginning

There is a difference between your body being in a particular place and you being there. I would ask you to be conscious about whether you are completely present as you read or if you find yourself having drifted off to you favorite beach, mountain top or to be with a friend. If you find yourself in any of these places, notice it and choose to return to what you are reading; be especially conscious of the last thing you were reading before you drifted off.

As we proceed, be very conscious of the little voice in the back of your head, the one that might warn you to be careful crossing the street or try to discourage you from starting something new. What seems like just one little voice actually contains the entire history of communication you experienced from significant individuals in your life from the moment of conception on. We will want to find out which voices are useful and which ones arise out of the insecurity of the person who spoke the words first.

If something I have said is not clear, go back and read it again and if you disagree with something, give it a chance through the experience-oriented exercises and see what you think then. Look to your experience not to the words or theories of others. I ask that you not believe anything that is said here, but rather test it out, see if it is true from what you experience.

If anything I say sounds like advice, please remember that the only advice I ever give is to not to take any one person’s advice. Listen to what people say and remember that ultimately only you can choose best for you. Look to your experience and decide.

Purpose and Intended Results

For each person who reads these words, does these exercises and reflects upon their lives, it is our intention that you:

• Experience the power that resides within each of us.

• Experience our ability to create meaningful, productive, joyous, contributory lives.

• Experience our ability to create environments where others can choose to create meaningful, productive, joyous, contributory lives.

• Experience our ability to maintain our focus when it seems that no one else is interested or cares.

• Experience ourselves as powerful, capable and able, completely in charge of our own well-being.

• Experience our ability to create an environment of exceptional support, communication and teamwork.

• Experience our ability to be master problem solvers.

• Experience our ability to see what is wanted and needed in any situation and know how best to produce that result.

• Develop a process of self-care that supports each participant, their families and producing brilliant work.

It may seem that because you did not write these words that we have something that you do not have. Nothing could be further from the truth. The capacity for all things resides within all people. I simply ask you to read, think about what is said and test it out. “What Every Person Can Do” is based on the fact that we have already been given all the tools necessary to create for ourselves lives of value and purpose. This process is about uncovering them.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

R. Byrne

If you look carefully at people who are successful in any area of life, they have a sense of direction, focus and purpose. Rarely do things of significance arise by accident. If you work all your life to achieve a goal, no matter the outcome, you will never have to wonder what would have happened if you had given it your all.

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish, little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

Man and Superman, 1903

George Bernard Shaw

Additionally, those who have a clear purpose in life appear to be a happier and more fulfilled in general. Shaw’s quote is one of my favorites not only because it speaks to a life of purpose, but because it puts death in an appropriate frame of reference. We are going to die. While we often glorify the ceremony of death more than life itself, there is something that must be clear, when you die, you are dead, it’s over, last chance past. As long as you are breathing, there is a choice about how you intend to be today. This is the only second you have any guarantee of. In it you will be either a positive or negative influence on those around you. How is it you intend to spend this precious second?

Current Conditions

In order to see things clearly, two things are critical. It is important to see how things are at the moment, how they are perceived in the world. Absolutely everything you have experienced will be of use as we begin to explore What One Person Can Do, including those things which you think you have mastered and those you believe have mastered you.

All of the people discussed in this book were asked for their permission to use their story.

My Mom spent most of her life in a very unhappy condition. Years before she was able to turn things around for herself she allowed me to refer to her as my original “poopy” person in workshops and presentation.

Aliveness vs. Non-aliveness, A Fundamental Choice

People either manifest aliveness or non-aliveness in their lives. Those who are alive participate, are engaged in life. They stay active, involved, they love to have their grandchildren show up. Even if they can’t walk, they love to have the children sit on their laps and read to them. They are alive.

Those who operate out of non-aliveness are tired, waiting for it to be over, whether they are eighty or eighteen. They are on the sidelines, complain a great deal and can always tell you how things got to be this way. It is their story and they are willing at any moment to discuss it in detail. They are “poopy” about life. My Dear Mother spent most of her life that way. Her “story” was that “everything would have been fine if only she hadn’t married Harold.” They spent twenty-five years separated before passing on. My brother and I decided it would be better if we each took responsibility for one of them, knowing that no city was really big enough for both. So I took Dad and Mal and his wife, Mary Abbott, took care of Mom.

When Dad decided in 1993 that he no longer wanted to live until the year 2000, he passed away shortly thereafter. While he had mastered four heart attacks and a pretty serious stroke, he never imagined wearing a bag for his bodily functions. After consulting his doctors and a minister friend, he donated his body to a medical school (he felt it gave him a couple more years of usefulness, even if unconscious), and stopped taking most of his medicines and passed away in a few weeks. On the day of Dad’s passing, I knew I needed to call Mom and let her know what had happened. I did so and received a quiet and calm, “Thanks for letting me know,” response.

About ten days later I called Mom just to see how she was doing, sensing that she might be struggling a bit. I asked how she was and she said not very well. She allowed that she had waited about ten days to long to say some important things. “Like what.” “Like, I actually loved your Father.” I had never heard her speak those words. ”Well, Mom, he knew that. We talked about it. He knew that you loved him and he was truly sorry things had not worked out. He loved and respected you. That’s what he wanted to say when he came to talk with you in Grand Rapids.”

Long silence.

“I wouldn’t worry about him. He is at peace. Look and see if there are others, still living, for whom you have communication that is not complete.”

Three days later, Mary Abbott called to ask what I had done to Mother? “Nothing, I said, “Why do you ask?”

“Because for the past three days she has apologized for being a negative, complaining (imagine five letters) all her life.” “Wonderful,” I said. “Let’s see how things are on Monday.”

Every time my Mother went to the store, to get her hair done, to the doctor’s office, Mary Abbott took her. Mostly Mom talked about the condition of the car, the horsehair, the dog hair, the children.

From that Monday on, she became a different person, more present, more grateful and even happier.

She had made a choice.

With the death of my Father, her story was over. She could no longer blame it on Harold. If an eighty-three year old who had mastered the negative can turn her life around, anyone can do it.

If you ask people who live in aliveness, they will tell you they chose it. To be with people, even in pain. To contribute, even if the means are meager. They will tell you, to a person, that it is a choice, every day, every minute, sometimes, every second. They, too, have had hardships, losses, tragedies and they chose to re-engage with life.

Those who live at non-aliveness cling to their story and deny they have a choice until they make one. It is never the circumstances that dictate the outcome of a person’s life but the way they choose to hold their experience.

In the next installment:

Attitudes, Circumstances, Happiness

The Core of Who People Are;

How I Know Anne Sullivan/ Helen Keller, Not A Miracle

Shared Capacity

Creating Context

Energy and Enthusiasm